I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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