So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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