24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
