Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
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She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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