Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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