Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
too bad you live with your parents still
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
