There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
