:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
