Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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