I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
