I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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