Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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