guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
