My Higher Power is John Stamos
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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