there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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