Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
