I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
