I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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