I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
