some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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