just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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