I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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