The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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