And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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