my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would fuck him just for his dog
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
