just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
