Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
