her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
