I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
