I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
