i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
