I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
