I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
