I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
