i think my tv is drunk
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
