is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
ttyl tear gas
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
