Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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