I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
