Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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