Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
