I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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