I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
