I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
