how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
