Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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