he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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