sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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