You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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