I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
