Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
