I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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