how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
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