Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
