My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
