I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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