if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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