Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
