hell yes lets make some ravioli
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
