woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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