ya dads aren't the best wingmen
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
