and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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