so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
