Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
