Cold hands, warm shart.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
