Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
