Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
