I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
