I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
