Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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