I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
