Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
