Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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