Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
