at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm gonna fight the coyote
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
