I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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