I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
